A Furiously Happy Book Review--One That I Hope to Bloggess that Jenny Is Reading

Some tunes to listen to if you wanted…..a playlist! Yays!

             After the previous blog post, I feel this urge to apologize for freaking people out with my possibly-withdrawal-induced feelings of depression and hopelessness where I felt the need to painfully rip off the blindfold I was wearing while running from the black hole-like sinkhole. (I actually shouldn’t; it’s okay for me to share these feelings, even healthy.) It was a letter to myself, an important conversation that needed to be had in order for problems to be solved. It was also a great big flashing sign I could use to direct people in a direction that many people would call “making progress,” even though (to me, at least) it is comparable to me being the reporter out in the field running for her life from a sinkhole, while the hosts of the news channels watched with genuine concern.

             I think this warrants an update: I’m doing better emotionally, which probably can be attributed to the withdrawal from lack of ADD meds. I suspect that this withdrawal (which took place for three or four weeks, during which my doctor pulled a dick move by not filling any of my ADD meds--which meant I ran out, something one should never do ever with any psychiatric meds--until I get my fasting blood tests done) was responsible for most of the issues I had, probably proof it messed up my brain. At least, now I can attribute the need to be fed properly in the morning and the weird I-skipped-on-my-meds dreams to the stimulants and lack thereof, respectively.

             But that’s not what you’re here for--you want to know my thoughts on ​Furiously Happy​, the new book by Jenny Lawson (the Bloggess) that JUST came out!  Right?!  (As in at midnight the night of September 21st--because midnight is when September 22nd starts. Thanks, temporal druids known as Jesuits for inventing this weird concept!) I was so excited and eager that I was able to get my own copy from Target with Dad’s help--thank you, Papa Spock! (I did pay him back for my copy.) And I was so happy I even texted my older sister….to which she responded with a question: “Did the Amazon Pre-Order get there already???” ​HUH?????​ After a puzzled response (probably along the lines of “What are you talking about?”), I found out that my sister had pre-ordered the book for me from Amazon the moment she heard me talk about it weeks before it even came out. Which is sweet, but left me with a dilemma: which copy of the book should I return?!?!?! My answer/decision was NEITHER!!!! I opted to keep them both because I don’t want to feel weird about it; Papa Spock went out of his way to get me a copy of my own, and my sis was thinking of me and being incredibly awesome by gift-ordering a copy of the book that she knew I really wanted and was determined to get. (At least now we know that next time, probably when Jenny’s third book is coming out--hopefully, even though I shouldn’t count my chicks before their eggs are even laid--my sis will tell me whether she pre-ordered it or not so that this weird situation doesn’t happen again.) On the bright side, I get TWICE the furious happiness!!!!

            Anyways, if you’d rather a look at the content I may or may not have spoiled with Twitter breadcrumbs, here’s my Storify compilation:

Yes, those are the breadcrumbs I left on Twitter with the hope that the strangers who are following me on Twitter will read and be like, “HUH? Oh my goddess’ titties! Lol! I should take a look at this “Furiously Happy” thing….. *click* Oh, wow, people love it! I should get it!” (I’m not sure if #FuriouslyHappy was trending on the Twitters, but if it did, AWESOME!)

         In reality, while reading and tweeting along by text message, I was wearing my pajamas (a nightshirt and yoga pants) and a Darn Good Yarn magic skirt (made of SILK) while laying on my couch and reading furiously (happily) in an effort to finish the book before the day was over so I can post this review. And while reading, I was giggling, quiet with awe, nodding with understanding, crying with laughter, and then crying at the end because I knew what Jenny was talking about. I truly understood the battle that so many people, myself among them, are fighting every single day.  I was empathizing on a deeper level, because I knew that my own battle was quite a bit different from everyone else’s. It’s at this point (at the end) where I wanted to just run (or quickly walk up) to Jenny, and embrace her tightly while crying into her shoulder (which is a little overboard for an interaction between two people who only know each other through the Interwebs) and going, “Thank you! THANK YOU!!!! You understand it--thank youuuu!!!! ​I love you for this!!!!​” (I’m crying even while typing this.) I probably wouldn’t do that last proclamation, but when a fan of yours runs up and hugs you, molesting your boobs with tears and shouting “thank you,” over and over again, it could go that way.

By Sweet-Crow

           I’m giving this book over 9,000 white-point stars/plungers out of 5 (the plungers are for the Daleks), not just because it was funny, but because it was a truth that needed to be shared with the world. People, not just those with depression, but also government officials, doctors in all fields, insurance company employees, family members, friends, etc., should know what life with depression could be like. They should know that even celebrities such as Wil Wheaton and Phil Plait and other well-known faces in the celebri-sphere have some sort of mental illness, and that having a mental illness or emotional/mental diffability ​should not​ be stigmatized! As much as you think it’s super rare, when you read the comments on Jenny’s blog posts about depression, you’ll realize that it is a lot more common than you think, and that we are not alone in our struggles. There are ​at least​ 50 other people in the world fighting to escape similar sinkholes to the one I’m running from, struggling and fighting to stay ahead, but wearing themselves out in the process.  There are times when even I get tired and would stop to catch my breath only to feel the earth beneath my feet start to give way, which tells me that I have only an opportunity window of a few seconds (relatively speaking) to fire the grappling hook at something far off in the distance for help. That the battles we’re fighting could be described differently from my sinkhole metaphor, as trenches filling with water that we have to escape, lest we drown.

          So, yeah, depression is a bitch and an asshole because it’s lying to you and bullying you into thinking “Life would be so much better without me.” That is bullshit, and I can attest to that--when my sis and I were growing up in the hellhole in the middle of nowhere (in Pennsylvania; sorry, Iowa, but you can’t change history), we were relentlessly picked on; I was bullied, she was bullied….It was hard, but it got worse still when her classmates in a ​Catholic high school​ where picking on her, to the point when they were saying that she should “just kill herself.” How could they?!  That is ​WRONG​!   Nobody should EVER encourage taking their own life! Not even CEOs of Evil Corp! (spoiler alert for Mr. Robot fans who did not see the season 1 finale) This is why we should educate people on mental illness so that they are well-informed and less of a dick about living with depression and/or anxiety.

         Look, you’re not alone in your struggles.  I have them.  Mama Squirrel and my sis have them. LOTS of people have them, and we will feel alone during these times; but we should know that our tribe is out there. Yes, I’m a member of Jenny Lawson’s tribe of weirdos who fight with depression, and I’m proud of it! I’m a member of the Church of Bloggessianism! I frequently tweet with Daleks on Twitter! I even joke around with my parents about needing towels and possibly also getting a giant metal chicken during that shopping trip! This is the tribe I belong to, the nerdy weirdos wielding plungers at trees that we thought were zombies!

          You may be weird and even a little fucked-up, but so am I. What’s important is deciding whether you should march alone or with the rest of us; because people marching by themselves are looked upon as “stupid” and “childish” and “wrong,” but people marching together? That’s a full fuckin’ marching band with its own class and character!!!!

         Keep this in mind while reading this book--which you should buy your own copy of! Unless your sister already ordered it for you; you should check with her first before buying it…..

Until then, ENJOY YOUR ANTIDEPRESSANT-LAIDEN NON-LEATHERY GALLSTONE-FREE
FURIOUSLY HAPPY TACQUITO!!!!!

The Star Wars Universe Wars

            Sorry for not posting anything as of lately.  I've been quite busy with life.  I had to be out in public and get a new laptop of my own and new headphones and stuff.  (What?!  I want to blend in with the background, to make it impossible for y'all to see me!  I'M INVISIBLE TO YOUR OCULAR SENSORS!  MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!)

            Anyways…..I figured I should post SOMETHING to keep people from going, "OH, NO!  SHE'S DEAD!"  (Well, at least the people who don't watch my twitter feed.  Those who do, or those who are friends with me on Facebook, or interact with me regularly on Deviant Art know that I'm alive and well.)  That and to rant a wee bit on Star Wars.

            Okay, more than a wee bit.  But I do have some nerd frustrations that need to be unleashed.  (No, not THOSE nerd frustrations!  Gawd, get your minds out of the gutter!)  That and some funny shit to share.

            So, sit back, relax, tune out to "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger," (the"Deadmau5 remix" according to my library) by Daft Punk (which Papa Spock needs to listen to more).  And remember that at the time of my drafting this, I am actually very tired.  My butt was kicked by Thursday, and I still haven't recovered much; instead, I've been reading Bill Nye's Undeniable and Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy in bed, like I "should" be doing.

So Far, So Good…. I Think…..

            So, a status update: I don't exactly know what I'm doing right.  I have tons of cleaning to do (still), a few appointments to either check up on or set up, a whole dozen others to attend, and a bunch of distractions in between.  I've accomplished stuff, made the opposite of progress on other stuff, and there's not enough time in the day to do it all!!!  Really, the word, "Bleh," pretty much sums up my current mental state.

            Let's do a quick run-through here….

~~Public speaking—I've had to do a couple of presentations in "public" to a group of young adults with disabilities about social media.  Yes, apparently, I'm an expert.  (What I did, however, was share my firsthand experiences online with these people.)  And I enjoyed the satisfaction of surprising myself with how well I did (according to audience feedback), which is a really good booster for my low-to-medium self-esteem.  And yes, I got paid for it in gift cards provided by the sponsor, which is a very popular large (national?  world?) retail company found all over the US.  And when I was done, I was also given a gift (that isn't exactly necessary but very, very, very helpful, since I can't take my not-so-portable desktop computer everywhere) that was provided by this sponsor: a new laptop!  BUT, I still don't have Internet at home.  Oh well.

~~Exercising: My FitNerd Journey—I've also started doing a sort-of-kind-of exercise routine.  Basically, twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go out in exercise clothes to do some…. PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!  Yays!!!!

            What?  Did you expect me to just say, "I go out to some lunkhead dungeon to have a stranger yell at me to work through the pain of my muscles tearing as I try to do the impossible, only to return home in tears and swearing to punch them in the face next time I go before passing out on the bed"?  Seriously, I know for a fact that the scenario I just described is detrimental to any sort of routine construction, and destructive to the nerd psyche many of us tend to have.  That and because I'm worried about certain other medical conditions, which means I'd rather take a step between "regular workouts at the gym" and "not exercising very much."  That step, for me, is physical therapy.  No, I'm not injured; I just want to start in a supervised setting that will allow me to get the fitness-and-health-goal cheese wheel rolling down the hill.  And so far, I've been doing really well, exercising my legs and my arms and increasing my endurance a bit so I don't feel like I'm dying when rushing to catch the bus.  I've figured out the ideal posture (which is just like the posture I had when I was doing horseback riding: spine straight and tall, shoulders down and back a bit, sitting on your tailbone with your legs relatively underneath your profile, but relaxed, with your stomach tucked in), and I've also been able to do better leg curls and bicep workouts.  It's awesome, and a really good self-esteem booster.

~~Home and Internet—Right now, both of them are separate: home is meh, since I'm still trying to clean it up more and more.  Internet is also meh, because I'm getting behind on so much!  I've been doing the Crash Course videos ("doing" as in watching), specifically the Astronomy series.  I've already put together a playlist of the videos I've added so far.  Surprisingly, I've found a lot of the lessons to be the same in Bad Astronomy!  Like, Phil's repeating himself for the crowd who is more likely to watch YouTube videos than to read actual books that were published in 2002 or 2003.  But you can't beat the graphics from Thought Café!  They're really well done and funny and awesome; I wish that I have a well-funded web series that has them doing similar graphics to the ones you can see in the episodes!  5/5 plungers and a ton of POINTS(!) to them for their creativity, style, and their humor!

            That's all for now, with the updates.  You can find more on Twitter.  As for the Team Savage-vs.-Team Bagans internet battle, I've put together a journal entry on Deviant Art, complete with links to tweets, blog posts, videos, etc., so if you want to find out everything quickly, go check that out.

            That's it for now, mostly because there is a disturbance in the Force that I've been ignoring up until now—and I can't take it anymore!!!!

Star Wars-Episode Everything: The Approaching Doom

            Alright, even though the official teaser is cool (with the Garth Brooks version made by @midnight being super funny—POINTS(!) to them for it)……

……and there are pictures of what's happening behind the scenes, I am worried about the fate of the current Star Wars universe.  No, not the one Disney has constructed!  The one that existed before Disney decided to fuck us nerds over!

            You see, I've been prowling through the Nerdist site lately, and I've found some awesome articles that I've shared with people on dAmn (the Deviant Art messaging network, which is basically just a bunch of chat rooms created by DevArt staff and users).  But lately, I've come across some news that should excite people, but actually just made a lot of us nerds angry with grief over how a sandcastle empire (that each of us nerds and fans and nerdy fans have contributed to with careful precision and painstaking effort to make it juuuust right) was destroyed by Disney just stomping their way through.

            As many of us are all aware, Disney bought the rights to Star Wars and have hired J.J. Abrams to direct the new Star Wars movie, Episode VII: The Force Awakens…..  Shouldn't that be "Reawakens"?  Because last I checked, at the end of Episode VI-Return of the Jedi, it was already awake, but feeling quite lonely!

            So, when THIS article was posted, I was shocked.  I could only skim through part of it, before immediately jumping down to the Comments section to post my complaints:

Before long, I got some responses:

And I felt the frustrations rise, which resulted in me posting a response to one:

However, I was fortunate enough to have a brief encounter with some extremely funny nerds on there, offering replies that made me laugh hard!

            Thank you, kind strangers of the nerd population, for giving me a bit of comic relief when I was still feeling the sting of having Disney smash what we had to pieces.

            Seriously, what happened was that the Expanded Universe (much of it documented on Wookieepedia) was just erased from existence.  None of it (the books, especially) is canon anymore.  The only stuff that is canon is everything that is in all the movies, plus the Star Wars: Clone Wars series and whatever specials that they have.  That's it; the Thrawn Trilogy books that I have yet to read, anything that involves an agreement as to how Boba Fett escaped the Pit of Sarlacc, what happened with Darth Maul, all of that is no longer "accepted" as Star Wars lore.

            I expressed these frustrations to Papa Spock recently, and he responded with his usual Spockish answer: It's because what was already there was too restrictive for them to do anything creative with the storyline in order to draw in more people.  I suspect that J.J. was a large part of that decision, seeing that he was the one who did the Star Trek: Alternate Universe movie series!  And because of that, the Star Trek Online game was completely changed!  Like, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!  It's frustrating, especially since people are going to respond with "It's Disney, not ours.  They can do whatever they want with it, seeing as it's their Jeep and no longer the Jeep that George Lucas has allowed all of us nerds to go joyriding in.  They can change the radio station presets on it to whatever they want, and you shouldn't worry about it."

            I am worried about it.  So much has been ruined lately; nerds are being sexist with their anger, saying, "HOW DAREYOU MAKE MY GHOSTBUSTERS WOMEN!!!"  And many of us are still Klingoning (Heh, get it?!  Klingon…ing?  Never mind, I meant, "clinging on"….) to the Original Star Trek series, to Next Generation, Voyager, and Deep Space 9, to keep alive the memories of what we enjoyed the first time around.  It sucks!

            You see, we nerds (especially those of us on the Autism Spectrum) are resistant to change (much like conservatives and Republicans—*shudders* That felt creepier than I thought it would be….), and if you introduce sweeping changes all across the major nerdism nodes (like superhero genders, storylines we grew up with and memorized every detail of, Star Wars universe elements and happenings that take place outside of the movies and television series, etc.), we're going to be resistant.  Like, we're fine with the way things are, and they made sense; why did you change everything that was working?  You can't fix what isn't broken, and the worlds we dive into oftentimes (Marvel comics printed on paper, DC comics printed on paper, Star Trek series before effects got super high-definition cool, Star Wars the way George Lucas did it originally, etc.) just seemed to work for us.  So, it's frustrating to force us to accept sudden changes to the worlds we love.  And like I said, we're resistant to changes; you might be able drag our bodies into the theatres through persuasion by awesome trailers, but you will never be able to take hold of all of our minds and hearts that were dedicated to the original stories.

            (I'm going to nitpick here: the longsword with its lightsaber Crusader hilt, amazingly cool as it is, doesn't have to be done like that.  According to Wookiepedia, there is such a thing as a darksaber, where it's a lightsaber that seems to "glow" black, and isn't in the general rapier style we have grown accustomed to, but rather like a katana.  If you have read Wookiepedia, you wouldn't have to piss off so fucking many nerds!  Now back to my regular spiel….)

Evolution: It's a Painfully Long Process That is a Part of Life

            Now, a proposal for the solution to everyone's problems….

           Has it ever occurred to you that mayyybe Papa Spock (who is quite biased, considering that he's a Disney Geek for reals; don't go, "Team Disney," at me, Dad!) could be right in some aspects?  That they're being too limited by our expansion of the Star Wars universe, ruled over by the god known as George Lucas, who caused that universe's Big Bang with an awesome idea?

            And, Disney and other involved parties: you're losing us over your changes.  Would it really hurt to include us nerds in the process of creating this new movie?  Or are you too busy focusing on the movie and not on what the reception of the movie might be like?  (Same for you, Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, Star Trek, and video game companies/franchises, with your products!)  Our demographic is highly populated with early-adopters; a new gadget or video game or Marvel movie comes out, and within hours, you have thousands of nerds stampeding forth to line up for the midnight releases, shoving money into your faces while scrabbling at whatever we could grab on to while pitching tents in our pants over how excited we are for this new addition to our universes.  We live, not just in our physical universe, but also mentally in thousands of abstract universes that might actually be real universes that exist somewhere within the multiverse!  Why else do you think we play Dungeons & Dragons or Magic the Gathering?  We tend to argue over certain minute details, but we're happy to add to what we have, rather than just knocking it down and starting over.

           We should get involved with each other…..  (Oi, gutter brains!  Not sexually!  Okay?  Get back to reading!)  Nerd-sourcing, similar to crowd-sourcing, is incredibly cheap; we highly value the mental and emotional parts of producing nerdy content, which means that even if we don't get paid, we are likely to still do the work just to be a part of something special.  How else do you think Ok Go (Shit Fuck) was able to do the Rube Goldberg music video without spending way too much money?  Nerds pitched in because they knew it would be a good idea that needed to be created and put out onto the Internwebz.

            I propose that the resistant members of the nerd community rejects the rejection, and keep the Expanded Universe alive. while cherry-picking what Disney introduces to us; this is what they plan on doing to our EU, anyways, adding what they like and erasing what they don't like officially.  Nothing says that we can't have fan-created content just because someone bought the rights to something.  (Yes, Disney, there is such a thing as fan-fiction and fan art.  Also, Wookipedia is OURS!!!  So if you get lawyer-happy, we'll rally around our own kind, outright rejecting you altogether.  At least, that's what I think will happen….)

            Anyways, we should have two parallel Star Wars universes, with galaxies inside that reflect what we nerds accept inside one of them, while Disney gets to have their own universe; this way, we can both be happy!  *uses Jedi mind trick on Disney's Star Wars dept*  You will accept this idea and implement it without issue…..

            That's all I can say about this for now.  Of course, it's still up for discussion; discussion and healthy debates (and not just flame wars that involve name calling and cursing and whatnot) are good for society and its many demographics.  It's what Athens was built upon way back when; why can't we do the same?

            Chew(bacca) on that.  In the meantime, enjoy your Greedo Tacquito!

Celebrating the Time Lord's Genesis: A Review of the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special Episode

Today's theme song is The Doctor's Theme/Next Stop Everywhere

        After a long and agonizing wait, the day finally arrives.  It's not just any old day.  School day, business day, the Sabbath?  No, not at all!  A birthday?  Well, yes, for Chris Hardwick (Happy Birthday, nerd bro!), but that's not the point!  Today belongs to a science fiction icon.  It's named after him, and, fittingly enough, it lands on his favorite day of the week!
       For today (Saturday, November 23, 2013) is actually.....

THE DAY OF THE DOCTOR!!!!!

       Exactly 50 years ago today, a science fiction program named Doctor Who was born, the brainchild of Sydney Newman, which then grew up, died and regenerated over 12 (going on 13 times--John Hurt's War Doctor counts!) faces!  It gave a new definition to innocence, danger, time and space, and especially danger.  And so, to celebrate, I'm doing my usual REVIEW!  What else would I be doing?

Actually, it's 2 reviews in one blog post, one being spoiler-free for the people who have yet to watch this epic episode, and the other is for the ones who already watched it or just don't give a fuck.

So here we go, the review that I actually wrote down during the episode, which means that it's my real-time in the moment reaction to the special.

Spoiler-Free Review

       Huh. :O Oooh!  LOL!  Oh my gosh!  SQUEE!  Le gasp!  I want that Moment box--or a replica of it!  LOL again!  Ooooh!!  Whoa.  BWAHHHH!!!!!  Hahaheeheehee!  HA!  ROFL!  So that's where that came from....  EEWWW!  OH SHIT!  Heh!  ROFL, round things!  SQUEEGASM!  Little giggle.....  Aww!  Huge squeal!  WHOOOOAAAAAA!!!!!  Meta squee!  Le gasp!  Jaw drop!

       And of course, NERDING MY PANTS!  SUPER AWESOME!

       Now, for the more detailed review--so SPOILER ALERT!

 

Actual Review With Some Spoilers

       Well, if you've already seen it, congratulations!  Together, throughout 94 countries across 6 continents, we Whovians have all recreated the climax of Last of the Time Lords!  (Series 3, with David Tennant and Freema Agyeman)  Nothing can be more meta than that!

       Anyways, I was quite fortunate to watch it during that very broadcast at 2:50pm EST with my parents!  And to be honest, we were quite surprised to see that they used the old Doctor Who opening to kick off the transmission!  It was quite a sweet tribute!  And then, we have Clara, back to normal--I think.  How the HELL did the Doctor get her from that little temporal bubble thing where she passes out and he carries her away?  How did they get out of that?!  I'm more confused than a skunk on a black-and-white tiled floor!
       Thanks, Moffat, for that little plothole!

       But now, we've got John Hurt's War Doctor (who supposedly did something drastic to the race of the Time Lords), Doctor Tennant and Doctor Smith gallavanting about together!  What nerd wouldn't dream of that?!  And when we saw Tennant and Smith interacting with each other, pulling out the sonic screwdrivers and saying the same things at the same time, we were giggling and laughing.  And it made sense, knowing that they are the same person from different points in time!  Though, I've always dreamed how it would be: will they bicker at each other?  Will they have their companions meet each other?  Obviously, the companions never met, so, oh well.....

       But so many questions were answered, and if you've seen The Big Bang (Series 5 with Smith, Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill), make sure that you brace yourself: a similar bit of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey thing is going on, and it could be a little....bendy-wendy?  Not to mention that you could get headaches from that craziness, so make sure you have some painkillers on hand.

       The Daleks are also back, but they don't have a very strong presence in the story, despite the sheer size of the army attacking Gallifrey; they were more of a phantom threat, in a sense.  Like, they were a problem to be solved later on.  And has anyone noticed how it was the old Dalek casings?  This is, obviously, due to the Time War taking place long before Victory of the Daleks, which is where they get regenerated with the help of a progenator.  Oh well, my condolences to my Dalek tweeps!

       But seriously, to have the synchronicity going on between the three Doctors (three-fold man from Journey's End, anyone?) is quite clever, and awesome, and it just really tickles your nerd bits!

      I enjoyed Billie Piper as the sentient interface for The Moment, and she did really, really well!  She's got talent, that's for sure; I saw her in Shakespeare Retold's Much Ado About Nothing.  But the outfit--FANTABULOUS!  Though the ugly boots could be replaced with some badass ones.....  But it's still awesome enough to wear to a con!

      So, to catch a ride with the Doctor, the Doctor and the War Doctor was certainly fun.  I'm sure my parents enjoyed it almost as much as I did.  And a ton of questions that were raised by the trailer (How many Doctors were there really?  What was the red jewel thing? [A BIG RED BUTTON!]  And what really happened to Gallifrey?)  Not to mention that having a little meta moment going on, with Doctor Tennant speaking to Doctor Smith--major tearjerking moment there for me, because I still miss Doctor Tennant!  And lastly, you can't help but really nerd your pants, especially with all of the Doctors in one place together, looking at Gallifrey at the same time.  I enjoyed it!  I really did, and I hope that sometime soon, the series will take us to Gallifrey (again, for all the more experienced Whovians).

      Oh, and there's a surprise guest in the episode!  Thank you Tom Baker for making the episode extra meta by taking up your role again!  But I'm still waiting on that 4-foot TARDIS cake!

P.S.  Oh, yeah!  I almost forgot!  I didn't get to meet my cursing quota!  Soooo.....  SHITFUCKSHITMOTHERFUCKINGCOCKSUCKINGCRAPFUCKITYFUCKERFUCKGODDAMNDAVROSDAMNASSHOLEWHORENUTS!!!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

A Review of @Midnight, the New Nerdist-Funny or Die Show

            WOW!  Chris Hardwick is still alive!  And he still looks great on television, despite the weird Indiana Jones lighting on Talking Dead giving him a sepia-esque tan (that somehow doesn't seem to come across on the computer--I blame my tv)!  I wish I could look that great; that sounds like another subgoal to work on: look as great as Chris Hardwick despite being a fat, pale, hermity squirrel-brained woman at the moment!

            But I'd never guess he'd be a pop-culture social-media "game" show host on Comedy Central--didn't those guys fuck over Futurama by ending it…for the fourth time?  I'm pretty sure they did…  Oh well.  At least he's hanging out with friends that aren't Matt Mira and Jonah Ray. (Sorry guys, but I think he felt that you're tying him down. *plungerpets*  He must've gone, "THERE'S ENOUGH OF ME TO GO AROUND!" to you two before riding a stripper pole out the doors of the Nerdist podcast studio, and then Meltdown Comics, and then flew on it to Comedy Central's board room meeting--with the rest being recent history.)

             Anywayyyyssss, I've yet to start on reviewing the actual episode I witnessed being aired on that Colb-hairbrained network the very night it premiered!  Let's start with the scoring system: was there a set scoring system, or was it a rerun of one of those Oprah's Favorite Things episodes of her Oprah show that people may or may not have forgotten about after it was canceled years ago?  It's like, "You get points and you get points and YOU get points, and everyone in the audience gets points for just laughing instead of saying something funny!"  Really!  Kumail Nanjiani, Doug Benson and Natasha Leggero, who were contestants on the show, all managed to get at least 1,000 points before one of them was eliminated for the head-to-head "For The Win" showdown.  I did laugh, but only because it was decently funny.  And I'm sure you saw my tweets to Chris Hardwick in regards to his promos and during the show…

            It should be noted that I only tweeted twice during the show…

.@nerdist COULD YOU TALK ANY FASTER? #PLUNGERFLAIL #atmidnight
— Eden Pyrithea (@LadyEden1337) October 22, 2013

.@midnight @nerdist @kumailn I KNOW! It says "I QUIT!" #whatpanda fortunecookieswouldsayincreepymusicvideos
— Eden Pyrithea (@LadyEden1337) October 22, 2013

            Anyways, it was hilarious; just not as hilarious as Jenny Lawson's blog and book, both ofwhich left me dying from laughter and in need of self-defibrilation!  (THAT set the standard for awesomely funny!)  And I was more intrigued by that one moment on Dancing With The Stars, where the "officials" (read: producers) decided not to eliminate anyone this week, despite Bill "Aholé" Engvall dancing like my dad all the way down the favorability charts.  Turns out there was a glitch in the voting system last week, so the "officals" (producers) decided to be fair and not eliminate anybody (aka, "Let's try again!").  I thank them for giving Bill a second chance to stop dancing like my father, who is really white and really nerdy (I so believe he's a real life Mr. Spock, despite not looking like Leonard Nemoy.); they both need to loosen up with an awkward spa day together!  By the way, that's why I consider Weird Al Yankovic's  hit song, "White and Nerdy" to be my dad's theme song!  (I shall share that song with you for your enjoyment…)

            All in all, @Midnight needs several improvements:

            1.) Scoring system needs more definitive structure, beyond "saying something funny will get you points, with Chris Hardwick deciding if it's funny or not!"

            2.) Comedians need to workshop a little more; they are funny, but my laughter died in 15 seconds.  That's at least 100 funerals I had to plan for--rest in peace, multiple peals of laughter!

            3.) If you want @Midnight to be a hit show, fuck over ABC and CMT by grabbing and dragging Bill on (by his chest hair, preferably), with Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy in tow, and wait for me to cry, "UNCLE! HARDWICK, YOU WIN!  I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW!" while my fat ass falls off from laughing so fucking hard.

            I have to say, the lines were definitely funny, especially the FTW round.  (Damn typo keyboard sex fairies--I'm not even on Second Life and they almost had me put "reound"!  Thank Davros for my spelling ninja skillz!)  I think it depends on the person, in my opinion; it's less to do with the extra nerdy discussion stuff and more to do with comedy (which is why Comedy Central exists, by the way).  If you love people being silly, watch it.  If you want something a little more profound, go check out the Nerdist podcast.  It's still Chris Hardwick in either direction, and you'll benefit from your decision.

            Yes, all roads lead to Chris Hardwick; that is the law of our existence, besides "allow Kale and Daleks to be your overlords while worshipping Davros as your Creator."

            #boobs #excelsior #butts

           P.S. Sorry, Dad.  I can't think of any other way to describe Bill's dancing....  HE DANCES LIKE YOU!

           P.P.S. I've been listening to almost all the Nerdist podcast episodes in order, starting with Episode 1--A New Podcast Series.  Hopefully I'll get caught up before I miss anything.  Thank you, Chris Hardwick!  (I know--why not just address him as Chris?  So I don't confuse him with Chris "CMNeir" Neir.  Here, you try telling the two apart!)

<<<WHICH

<<<<ONE

IS>>>>>>

WHICH?!?!>>>

<<<

>>>

?????????????

The Strange Incident with the Drunk Regular in the Underground Lair

Best to listen to this song while reading this post:

            I finally got a topic to write about in a chance encounter at the Underground Lair, which is basically what I consider to be a "nerd shop," where they sell nerdy stuff like action figures, vintage toys, vinyl records, geeky magnets, Doctor Who merch (that is IMPORTED ACROSS THE POND FROM THE UK!) and other stuff that's interesting for us nerds.

                                                                                                           

            The encounter took place as follows:

                                                  

            Time: after 5pm EDT on Saturday, October 12, 2013

            Location: The Underground Lair in Bethlehem, PA

            I was on my way home from the library and Harvestfest was taking place, with wine-and-soup trails winding through the main drag of Bethlehem, bars wide open and overflowing with people drinking, some more sober entertainment at various locations, and a ton of vendors selling their wares, and I decided to make a pit stop on the way home to the Underground Lair, who have fantastic shopkeeps and toys I've been feeling nostalgic about.  The inflatable Dalek is there in all its red glory, standing guard next to the register, and we were just chatting until one very drunk individual comes in, looking for his money and his ID.  He was a little mentally lost and, surprisingly, he's a regular at the UGL!  He was obviously drunk (you can smell the alcohol when he unintentionally breathes on you) and he was in and out, in and out, like a drunk needle pulling a thread of alcoholic odor through the fabric of the Underground Lair's shop threshold.

            Not only was he trying to figure out where his ID, money and car is all at, he was weirded out by these dolls that were not very creepy at all, having the drunker version of a Zak Bagans reaction to "creepy dolls".  So I offered to stand in front of them to block their view of him, saying that I'll "stare at him instead".  I wound up standing in front of the dolls whenever he re-enters the shop, as he tries to figure out what happened to his belongings.

            He was also very huggy; I kid you not, he hugged the inflatable guard Dalek twice!  Kris (the female shopkeep who is so awesome she keeps the Facebook page for UGL updated with cool stuff!) was like, "you break it, you buy it, and you don't have your money on you!"  And for some reason, this is a repeat performance of inebriated behavior.  Like, he demonstrated what his mother would yell at him with me in his role.  Kris is like, "Please don't yell at my customers!" and I'm like, "Uhhh, okaaaaay…."  And I think he felt bad after a little light scolding from Kris, so he's like, "I'm sorry," and hugged me!  The good news is his arms and hands stayed north of my equator, so it was really more of a Howard-Raj hug, from The Big Bang Theory.  And, still being nice, I hugged him back.

            He left again, and Kris was wrestling with the dilemma of calling the cops on a drunk regular who is yelling at and hugging both their customers and their guard Dalek, then starts apologizing to me.  I'm like, "It's no big deal.  I dealt with Mom after she had two White Russians, and my sister went through a slightly more intense deal with tequila, where she didn't understand how toilets, pants, gravity, and doors worked."  And she suggested that I leave the next time he comes back.  I suggested leaving before he does, with agreement from her, but he came back before I could act on that idea.  So we had this unspoken exit plan in place: Kris went, "Okay, see you around," and I'm like, "Sure.  See ya, Kris!"  And I added, out of evil impulse and a little vengeance, "Have fun with the creepy dolls!"  I couldn't help tweeting about it while heading home with a "WTF?!" kind of grin on my face, giggling awkwardly.

            I imagine he couldn't stop obsessing about it after I left, staring at them with a drunken paranoia, swearing that he lost his belongings to them.

            Lessons from this encounter:

1.      Don't be so drunk that you lose your money, keys, friends, and transportation.

2.      Have your money, plastic and ID in a WALLET and not a money clip; wallets are harder to lose than cash in a money clip.

3.      If you have to deal with such a drunk, be a little kind and patient; these people can be quite unpredictable, and yelling will result with negative reactions.

4.      If they're slightly uneasy from creepy-looking dolls or clowns or whatever, always mention them when leaving their company so they obsess drunkenly over them instead of hugging inflatable Daleks and complete strangers.

5.      Always blog about these moments!!!

            Apologies to Mom and my sis for mentioning their drunk moments; I simply wanted to share my experience with inebriated people who aren't Puerto Ricans who regularly attend the huge parties that the one particular friend of the family throws every year.  Also to the drunken stranger, who I hope learned his lesson from this experience; I also hope you've sobered up well enough after this with little hangover feelings.

And to laugh it all off, I give you this relevant treat:

A Glowing Book Review for The Bloggess: So Glowing You'd Swear It's Radioactive!

Now, I understand that you're shaking your head and rolling your eyes at this point.... After a surprisingly ranty post the last time, I'm doing a book review again?

Trust me, it's worth the squirreliness you're dealing with on a regular basis.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, is the BEST BOOK I EVER FUCKING READ!  I kid you not!  There's so much wit and insanity that not only will you laugh, you'll also cry--from laughing so hard!

Technical analysis?  THROW THAT SHIT OUT THE WINDOW AND INTO YOUR NAZI NEIGHBOR'S FAN!  This book is exempt from spelling error issues and typos and grammar flops!  Why?  Because this blogging goddess just made everything better the moment I finished reading it!  And I'm so glad that I got my own copy!  I originally purchased it from The Moravian Book Shop, intending to let my parents (who are also fans of hers) borrow the book.  I didn't realize that they already had a copy of it.  And the library also had a copy of the book.  But it's so important to purchase your own copy--because if you check it out of the library or borrow it from someone else, YOU'LL NEVER WANT TO GIVE IT BACK!

I swear, I was laughing so hard that I got high!  So much dopamine was coursing through my brain I could've been high!  It's like nothing you ever read.  Curl up with a taxidermied animal and read this because you'll reserve it for the days you'll want something hilarious to help you feel better on your darker days!

This book is like THIS:

And I hope that when you're done reading this review, you'll be like THIS:

GO GET A COPY NOW!!!!  And laugh away everything, including the Apocalypse!