Saturday, November 9, 2013

The World Will End Without BBCAmerica In Every Hotel Across the United States (alternatively Dear Internetz and Parents of Whovians)

            My apologies for giving a ranty post more directed towards my parents and a couple of friends who care about me than doing a "Hey, Whovians!  Check this out!" kind of post.  Here's some theme music....

            In case you haven't heard, there will be a giant global television event that takes place November 23, 2013 at 2:50pm EST, where one major special episode of Doctor Who will be simultaneously broadcast on television in a shit ton of countries.  But let's take a moment to objectively analyze this particular moment.


            Seriously, since when is it okay to just say, "Oh, that's nice," then wait for the next time it happens when basically, each moment itself cannot be revisited without a TARDIS or time-traveling Delorean?  Those of us who are not time travelers have to live life in a single straight line.  Which means those people (me being one of them) should avoid traveling or working away from a television set that gets a channel that will air Day of the Doctor during that very moment.  I wish that it's easier to explain but it isn't.  Basically, who are you to say, "You'll be fine, it's just a TV show," when I'll practically be an emotional Aspie OCDing wreck holed up in a hotel room cursing everything living and dead and real and imaginary the moment I realize I'll be completely missing that episode?  I will NOT be fine!  I understand that it will be repeated, I really do (but I very highly doubt that anyways), but it's like the royal wedding of the Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge: you either watch it, or you don't and curse yourself for missing it.

            "Did you say hotel room?"  Yes, I'll be traveling through three-dimensional space in my territory on Earth to visit my sister and her boyfriend, and then my grandparents in a pocket of Virginia I consider to be part of my territory, and according to my parents, we'll be leaving the day before the epic event airs, and we won't be back until November 30th.  Which is basically my parents' way of saying, "FUCK YOUR PLANS!  WE CONTROL YOUR LIFE!" in a subtle way.  And that's yet another reason for me to hate them, which I'll add to my mental list of "Why the Hell Are You Still Hovering Over My Shoulder?"

            I know you're wondering why I'm being so anal with my watch-it-or-go-fuck-yourself attitude.  I like to think of it as a real-life version of that episode with David Tennant and Freema Agyeman and John Barrowman of that last part of that story arc (SPOILER ALERT!) where the Master managed to take over the world and Freema's character Martha managed to get everyone in the world to think "Doctor" at the same time in order to overthrow him.  It's like that only everyone gets to put everything down and watch this episode together in that one moment and enjoy it.  It's about world peace, bro, and anyone who says otherwise is a clueless git.

            This isn't an episode you just put off for the future (much like the Transylvania Halloween special the Ghost Adventures Crew did ON Halloween!  Epic birthday present!).  I mean, come on!  Look at it!

Open your eyes, reader.

You do not just watch that trailer and say, "Hey, let's ignore it and go on a trip!" You reschedule everything so it does not go against your being able to watch it, you prepare generators that will fire up as soon as the power goes out, you get food ready and eaten with bathroom breaks taken well before it airs.  And it's not up for debate either; you'll be yelling at your kids to shut the fuck up and watch it with you because the Doctor out-ranks whatever teen "sensation" they're into (yeah, the Doctor is more important than Bieber, Black, Gomez, and Katy Perry combined!) and it'll save lives, it'll cure cancer, or whatever other claims I have to make up to get you to watch it!

            I expect great things to come from this episode; understand, there have been flops before, which gave some nerds reason to send hate tweets to Stephen Moffat, who then left twitter because of all the hate.  I expect to learn the reason behind the Valeyard's reappearance in the Whoniverse, I expect to know why Doctor version number 10 will be back in the TARDIS, and I half-expect to learn the Doctor's real name.  I also expect that everything goes right because goddammit, I'm scared that I'll never be able to catch it thanks to some curse or whatever.

            Yes, I'm scared.  I'm scared that the power will go out as soon as I catch a glimpse of the episode.  I'm scared that something will happen and it will become one of the Lost Episodes of Doctor Who (a couple of which were actually found quite recently).  I'm serious, I also don't want spoilers on Twitter.  I've been a situation like this before, with The Angels Take Manhattan (which is the last episode Amy and Rory Pond were ever in) and all the damn black cube accounts were spoiling the goddamn episode.  I asked them politely not to spoil it because there are viewers who have yet to view it, and one idiot just replied with, "Oh, well, then just don't be on Twitter."  I utterly blocked that idiot and several others who mindlessly spoiled that episode (one of them being a River Song account I believe I roleplayed with), and I didn't look back until now.  So how can I avoid Twitter and the spoilers for an entire week?  I can't!  Seriously, take a look at my Twitter feed (which I've added to this blog as a widget--you're welcome).  I tend to tweet about almost everything.

            So, to avoid Whovians like myself not being an emotional homicidal wreck, I implore the American hotel owners to add BBCAmerica to the list of channels guests can access in the hotel rooms, I ask for no spoilers if I miss it, I beg of my sister and her boyfriend to fucking get digital cable already so we can watch it together, and I plan on having my grandparents tape it just in case my family has the "brilliant" (read: utterly stupid) idea to not ever watch it.  And for God's sake, if you ever say, "It's just a TV show," to me one more time, I'll wind up feeling stabby with a mechanical pencil.

P.S., Thought you should leave with a light hearted feeling.... here's some twitter fun....

P.P.S. And here's a lolcat!

       Doctor Who's Day of the Doctor will air November 23 at 2:50pm EST on BBCAmerica.
Be sure to #SaveTheDay.