Saturday, October 19, 2013

A Film Review and an Update--Hamlet Starring Doctor Bacon

            I understand that I haven't been posting as much lately, but mostly because I really want more people to enjoy my writings.  So sharing is extremely encouraged--and if you don't share my entries, I can send my Daleks in to EXTERMINATE YOU!  Ha, ha, just kidding!  Mostly.

            Yeah, I'm SUCH a troll to y'all……

            Anyways, for the moment, I am drafting up my blog entries away from the library through Microsoft Word so I can just copy, paste, add shit, format shit…  (Not that any of my entries are shit--I'm like Stan "The Man" Lee in that I highly believe that my blog posts are just made of AWESOME SAUCE AND BACON, despite needing some improvements…)  And there might be times when I would just wind up doing some twofers and threesomes…  Yeah, I know, it sounds kinky, but it's a SHIT TON OF WORK when you have a week to review three movies + three books and you have to space it out a little when you post it all!  So I might just get a shit ton of posts ready and then schedule its publishing date so I don't have to simply freak out.  Unless it's like that drunk person episode I'm still laughing about; who DOESN'T like Dalek-hugging drunks, hmmm?  Despite being a little unpredictable, they're just so LOVABLE and stuffs!  But as I was saying, if anything like that ever happens again, or if I really need to get a message out I can't keep bottled up inside (i.e. rants, which I tend to do a lot), I'll get that post out of the way, and then delay the others a bit.  I plan on getting a minimum of five posts published over a two week period.  Which shouldn't seem that hard…  And, yes, Universe/God/Loki/Force/Karma, I can fucking see the wheels turning in your head, plotting how to fuck me the FUCK over.  Give it up, cuz I'm not letting this bitch die, since it's a cute and sexy bitch that has Doctors, drunk people, cats, and is BETTER THAN TWILIGHT!!!!  (Twihards, shut up--you know I'm right!)

            So, now that's all clear with y'all, on with the kickass review of one of the best Shakespearean films ever made…

Hamlet starring David Super-Sexy Tennant and Sir Patrick Bacon-Baron Stewart!!!

             Why did William Shakespeare write something like HAMLET?

            So that the BBC could make a modern day version of it out of BACON, with BACON-CLASS ACTORS such as David "Doctor 10" Tennant and Sir Patrick "Captain Picard" Stewart!

            I know--hacky joke.  But it's so full of bacon that the Whovians and the Trekkies might as well have had an endless orgy together and made a sex tape of it, releasing it as this version of Hamlet!

            Can you tell how much I love this film already?  Oh, you can't because you're not telepathic enough, not counting the Ood?  Aw, shit, I thought you could!  But I think it's for the best because dangerous things lurk within the shadows of my mind that should never see the light of day…  Yeah, I agree, I should never think those thoughts, but who put you in charge of my mind?  I never did, even when I was buzzed!  (Yes, that happens, but I never allow myself to get Dalek-hugging drunk.)  Anyways, PAY ATTENTION FOR YOU WILL BE QUIZZED!

This is Nerdface!  Like it?
            First of all, majorly mad Master props to the BBC and Gregory Doran (Wow, I know the name of the director!  Impressed yet?) and the cast and crew for getting this badass masterpiece together, because they executed the film so well it seems like nobody else could make it so amazingly delicious like this!  It's like the stars are aligned so perfectly that it seemed Shakespeare himself didn't die, but aged hundreds of years just to help us make this film!  (Or his ghost kept up with modern society as time crept along and then helped out.  Hey, a nerd like me can dream, can't she?)  Never have I seen a modernization of a Shakespearean performance be produced so well since that modern version of Romeo and Juliet starring Leonardo DiCaprio.  Oi, please don't groan like that: I grew up in quite a small town, sheltered a lot, so my tastes in film may be a little different, okay?  *NERD FACE*

             But as I was saying, the film was made so well, and David Tennant did excellent in his role, even to the point when I could see the Doctor inside of him, just echoes of the heroic-yet-dangerous Time Lord living inside, influencing him subtly enough to the point where it seems like that version of the Doctor hadn't really died and all you can do is make grabby hands at the screen while clutching your sonic screwdriver (as in either the tool or the alcoholic drink--your choice) and silently screaming "DOCTORRRRRR!" every time you see certain elements of this character emerge in that featurette.  Yes, I did this sans screwdriver and it didn't help much…at all.  And yes, Shakespeare wrote the play but the ones who created the visual interpretation of it, with the retro film camera, the security camera, the hidden passages, the modern attire and military technology mixed with old-fashioned scandalous monarchy should be considered members of the Hollywood and English-version-of-Hollywood royalty.

            And Sir Patrick Stewart kicked ass!  Not only as Claudius, but also as Hamlet's dead father's ghost (of the rightful but murdered king)!  For some reason, he not only oozed Enterprise's TNG Captain (with facial hair) but he did so well that he made the characters bear his face now, whenever someone thinks "King Claudius".  The only complaints I have are the mysterious shrug before he drinks the poisoned cup (it seems a little out of place--I don't know why, though) and the scene with the military not having enough background; it just looked like snow on a platform and blackness in the background--not very worldly in my opinion.  If it were me, I'd have done a military base or a forest or a field next to a forest, all covered in snow in the background, because a limited setting just doesn't cut it, despite bringing more attention to Tennant's Hamlet.  Might I suggest some sort of snowy fog at night?

            All in all, well executed, especially the set and the soliloquoys, including "To be or not to be; that is the question"--so well done!  (And yet, my squirrelly brain can't help bring up a scene of Sir Patrick Stewart doing a different version of that monologue for Sesame Street for the letter B.  In case you missed it, here you go…)

            I absolutely recommend it be shown in schools across the country for English class because if you're a badass nerdy teacher who is making his own scalemail for the class trip to the Renaissance Faire, WHY THE FUCK NOT?!  (You know I mean you, Mr. Perelli, who taught me English in the 11th grade!  Feel free to fangasm as you watch this film for the first time.  And bring your own sonic screwdriver.  Yes, I recommend the tool instead of the drink, though I'd like to have one of the latter right now, to be honest…)

            But raving aside, why not inject a little comedy, eh?  Here's a CSI:Denmark cutscene from my buddy, Nick "Nutcase Nightmare" Liow, creator of the :the game: series and Interwebz master of Craftyy, the online game remixer!

            May your fencing foils never be tipped with a very potent and deadly venom and your drinks never be poisoned!  Oh, and may your sister(s and brothers) never drown in any bodies of water, giving you cause to murder someone who looks like David Tennant, and may Lieutenant Horatio Caine of Miami-Dade PD always bid you "Goodnight, sweet prince."

            P.S.  I think that it should be of note that after I finished watching the film and the special features that I couldn't stop thinking in Shakespearean English.  I know there's a technical term for this, but I can't think of it at the moment of my drafting this entry, so please forgive me.  But really, I mean, I just could do like, Freudian Shakespeare that I can't stop coming up with until after I went to bed!
            Cue the Picardian facepalm!

            P.P.S. Sorry.  I lied about the quiz.  Mr. Perelli can give you one if you want, though! J