Friday, October 4, 2013

An Open Letter to All Bad Drivers (Especially the MORON From Yesterday Evening)

Warning!  This post is R-rated!  Don't let kids read this!

There's a reason why I'm addressing you about this topic: I've seen plenty of them yesterday and I'm done rolling my eyes (which is probably why I'm a little cross-eyed nowadays).  And I can bet you that about 80% of the strangers out there did something wrong while behind the wheel.

Now, don't just ignore this post.  Don't deny your actions, don't go, "Oh, this doesn't apply to me but it applies to someone I know even though I think I didn't run through three red lights yesterday!  Hey, (insert name of friend here)!  Check this out!"  And don't think it only applies to the person pictured here.....

Everyone has shitty driving nowadays.  I've seen it myself, even though I don't drive.  So, yes, I'm addressing you, whether you've been given a link to this post via e-mail or twitter or facebook or whatever, OR you've somehow found this post via Google or Blogger or Twitter!

Especially if you've done any of the following listed below.... (Liars, just fucking read this!)

--You regularly stop at any point past the stop sign line (which does NOT include the crosswalk, mind you!)

--You park illegally because you "didn't see the sign and the rule only applies to the people who see the sign," sir with the million parking tickets especially!

--You regularly park in the accessible parking spots without the required license plates or placard.

--You turn on a red where there are No Turn On Red signs ALL OVER THE INTERSECTION!

--You run through red lights regularly.

--You run red lights even though you were at a speed when you can stop and the yellow is about to turn red but you do it anyways while the yellow turns to red.

--You ignore the impatient pedestrians standing at the corner.

--You tailgate like this guy: 

Obviously, this crowd of morons need more rigorous testing--one regularly applied in a real-world environment.  People who fail this test must have their licenses revoked.

I know you don't care.  That's why I absolutely KNOW you're blowing this off.  But take it from me: the next time I see you fucking me over when I'm behind the wheel, I'm handing the tape from my dashboard cam over to the cops and they can hunt your guilty ass down.  Be not just safe but also courteous behind the wheel, hang up your fucking smart (or dumb) phone and pay attention to the environment outside your vehicle.

If you do, you won't end up like this:

Thank you for reading this and remember.... I HAVE MY EYES ON YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!